Emotional Rollercoaster

For several months I’ve wondered what this moment would feel like.  A vast array of possible emotions paraded through my mind.  The time is finally here and the words continue to stumble off my tongue as I try to describe how I feel right now, at this moment.

It’s been an emotional few months, first writing the book, then rereading it to tweak this or that. The first taste of excitement came when the book cover was sent for my approval.  WOW  My name on the front of an actual book!  The smile on my face seemed determined to stay right where it was.  Excitement, humility and amazement flowed through my body all at once .

The waiting began when I sent the manuscript to my publisher so the editing could begin.  Countless times I checked my inbox to see if the editing was complete.  The emotions from before were exchanged for patience.  After what felt like forever, the edited version was returned.

Not wanting to approve it too quickly, I forced myself to wait until the next day to read it over.  My job was fairly simple, see what corrections were suggested and either approve or not approve them.  Piece of cake, right? 

Again, not wanting to approve the editing too quickly I delayed the approval a few days, giving myself time to digest what was really happening.  I don’t know how many times I looked over the whole thing.  Finally I felt that I hadn’t rushed and I was pleased, so I sent the manuscript back with my approval.  Part of me felt that I’d be pleased no matter what, but I trusted that the Lord had the words exactly the way He wanted them.

Another eternity passed as I waited to hear from my publisher once again.  What was the holdup?  Did they forget about me?  No, there is just more to this publishing business than I realized.  In due time the layout was complete and the online version, with pictures was sent via email.

One more time I forced myself to not rush into approval.  This work will be a part of my life now and even after I die.  I didn’t want to overlook something in my haste.  By this time, though, I really didn’t want to read the story yet another time so I scrolled through the pages and concentrated on the pictures.  After a few changes I gave it my approval.

Another step closer and soon the doorbell rang.  By the time I got there, a small package had appeared.  I had actually forgotten that the first hard copy was coming my way but then I had it in my hands.  WOW once again!  As a mother gently caresses her newborn baby, I ran my fingers over the words on the front cover.  As that mother lovingly unwraps her newborn baby, I slowly opened the cover of the book, taking in everything I saw.  I examined it from cover to cover, still in awe as to how my name got on the cover of a book.

Before I approved the printed copy, I placed it in a plastic bag to protect it.  Not even my husband can remove it without making sure his hands are clean first.  Only a handful of special people have been able to touch that book without the protection of the plastic bag.

Today all that waiting paid off.  I can now add the word “published” to the description of “author”.  My first book, “The Man Who Killed My Daughter” is available to purchase online.  I still have trouble believing it.  A few of the emotions I experienced today are excitement, humility, gratitude, amazement and others I can’t put into words.

I am truly blessed.  This journey was not easy at times but with the Lord’s help I made it this far.  I look forward to seeing where He takes it from here.  I’m sure another set of emotions are waiting just around the corner.  I wonder if I’ll be able to find words for them.



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