“Normal, everyday life” – what does that phrase mean? My online dictionary gives this definition for the word normal: (adj) 1. Conforming to the standard or common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. 2. Serving to establish a standard. The definition for it as a noun is 1.Average 2. The standard or type. So, I ask again, what does that mean?
Before March of 2009 my normal was life with my second husband, running a business and conflict with my four children over my divorce and other family issues. After March of 2009 my normal was life with my second husband, running a business, conflict with three of my children and mourning the loss of my daughter.
My new normal had begun and I didn’t like it. My heart ached each and every day. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t stop the tears. My life was turned upside down by the poor choice of another and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
The love and support showered down on me from friends and family was greatly needed and appreciated but slowly faded away when their own life called them back. I don’t blame them for that. I’ve done the same thing.
Where did that leave me? It left me in the very capable, loving arms of my husband which were an extension of the even bigger, more loving and more capable arms of Jesus. The two of them, working together, held me up when I felt like giving up. They held me close and dried my tears. They comforted and calmed me day after day.
As the days turned into months Bill and I adjusted to our new normal. The first year was the worst, as you’d expect. Painful, griping, stop-you-in-your-tracks emotions took hold of me at holidays, birthdays and the anniversary of her death. Tears flowed uncontrollably. My body shook with grief and sadness. My bloodshot eyes couldn’t hide the pain but Jesus was with me every step of the way. He held me close and counted every tear I shed. He pointed me to His Word to remind me of His love and promises. He gave Bill the insight, understanding and patience he needed to help and support me during this time. Jesus supplied me with everything and everyone I needed.
The months turned into years and my new normal is now just my normal. The tears still flow and the pain still comes but they don’t last as long as they did before. Jesus healed my heart. The scar of losing a child is still there and always will be, but the healing power of Jesus’ love covers all of that.
Thank You, Jesus, for healing my hurt. Thank You for Your love and being with me every step of the way. Thank You for helping me adjust to my new normal. Please do the same for everyone who loses a child.