Losing a Loved One
Losing a loved one is never easy but it’s especially difficult when a parent loses a child. The pain is the same but the questions are different. ‘Why did God allow this?’ is usually the first question asked when anyone under a certain age is taken. What that certain age is, I don’t really know. I guess it varies from family to family. In my case that certain age was 21.
I was blessed to be with and raise Jenny for most of those years. I made my share of mistakes but I raised her to the best of my ability at that time. I loved her and she knew that. The question was whether she loved me. Well, that isn’t really a legitimate question because deep down I know she did love me, despite what she said to others. She was angry, hurt and confused. She lashed out at me with harsh and razor sharp words, hoping that would dull her pain. I’ll never know if inflicting pain on me eased hers but I doubt it.
Losing an adult child is also different than losing a minor child. Jenny was on her own, doing her own thing. I didn’t have much say in the matter. She was on her way to fulfill her dreams or maybe she was just trying to figure out what her dreams were. In either case she chose to keep me at arm’s length. I wasn’t part of her equation.
Would I be a part of her life later on? Would she find forgiveness in her heart for me? Two more questions that I won’t get the answer to this side of heaven. We were so close for many years that I was torn apart when she turned her back on me. Unfortunately I was too insecure back then to admit I made mistakes so there was no way I’d apologize for them. I wonder if that would have made a difference.
Losing a loved one opens the door for questions and it also opens the door for change. With God’s help I am walking through the door for change. I don’t know what is past that door but just like Jesus is with Jenny is heaven, He is with me on earth, too. I won’t walk through those doors alone. He promises to always be with us, to never forsake us. I believe that with all my heart so cheer up! Losing a loved one isn’t the end of the world. By walking with Jesus, it can be the beginning to a whole new one.